The things that make us happy

This is a series of photos I took of Clem and our Grandson on the front porch early one morning. Adley loves Clem. Having this little fella around has been a big blessing to us during this tough time. We are lucky to have Jessica and Nic with us during this time of their life. They are great parents and it is wonderful to watch this part of life again.

Clem on rope

The man is back on rope. I can't tell you what a great day this was for him. Rock climbing has been one of Clem's loves since the 70's. To make this day even more special he took our son Alex who has never been climbing. He has been in college for the last four years and graduates this weekend. We have enjoyed his company this week on several different adventures.











This is Clem at the top of his first climb since his liver surgery. Great day!!
















Our son Alex. 6' 5" tall makes for some long stretches. He made short work of this climb.














This was the view from the top of Sunset Rock on Lookout Mountain. The Tennessee River is seen running through Chattanooga.














Alex again.





















Another view of the area.

Canoe trip

The beautiful Georgia countryside on the way to the river.













Some of the challenges of the day.













This made it fun. I fell into the water and gave Clem a big laugh.















The happy man photo. Tomorrow we go rock climbing.

Images of our days

These are just a few images of our last few weeks. The weather has been beautiful and Clem's energy has continued to improve so we have be attempting to do more and more each day. He mentioned our canoe trip and the baby birds in our canoe in an earlier post. Here is an image of them. Looks like there are five of them.










Here we are after our morel mushroom hunting experience with our friend Doug Strait. Awesome day. We learned so much about finding them and their habitat from Doug and the wild flowers in this area were awesome too. We are still feasting on the mushrooms attempting to make them last as long as possible. If you ever get a chance to try some do it!















Clem inspecting our mushroom stash on the back of the pick up.



















This is one of many walks we have taken lately just to build up Clem's stamina again and to take in some sunshine. We are lucky to have so many great parks that are close. Today we rode six miles on our bikes. It is the first time that Clem has been able to be on his bike since his radiation treatments.








This is a hike we took up the mountain behind our house. It was quite a challenge because we had to scale a bunch of large fallen trees. We did make it to the top and here is Clem in one of his favorite places with Stephanie's dog Zoe.
















We are also doing our share of resting still. Even though there are fewer afternoon and evening naps taking place around here sometimes it is hard to resist a little cat nap in a beautiful park in the warm sunshine.

One Real Day

Canoeing! What a beautiful way to spend a day. We went with our friends Doug and Dawn on an easy float trip down Lookout Creek in Trenton, Georgia. It's early in the season so there were a few trees down in the river. That made for some interesting bushwhacking but it was all part of the fun. The weather was perfect: sunshine and just a couple of clouds, warm enough to wear only shorts. My vitamin D count was a little low anyway. ;)

Seriously, though, this has been the first time in six months that I've been able to just get out and do a simple thing that I love, outdoors, and unencumbered with illness or treatment. It wasn't worthy of a spot on NatGeo TV maybe, but it was a helluva day for me. Pam seemed really glad to be outside and in the warm sunshine too (especially so after falling in and getting totally dunked in the chilly water!)

There's a little extra drama to the story. A wren had built her nest in the canoe, as it was hanging upside-down under the front porch. We hated to disturb her nest, especially since there were several baby chicks in it. We took down the canoe and transplanted the nest to a box that we hung in place of the canoe. Mama wren seems to have adapted to the new quarters just fine, and her babies all open up and yell "cheep cheep" whenever she comes home.

It's springtime, and there are signs of life everywhere,

Clem

Short and sweet

It's almost come full circle, now. Yesterday I visited the first specialist doctor that I saw here in the US, the guy who did my colonoscopy and confirmed the Mexican doctor's diagnosis of Stage IV cancer. The estimates he gave me of what he could do were really kind of theoretical; he didn't have very high hopes that I would make it back to him for his projected role in my cure. His job is to remove the intestinal tumor that started it all, and then to stick the plumbing back together again.

So there we were, face-to-face again and this time with the very real and very immediate prospect of surgery. I said that everyone's done their part so far and now, it was his turn. There was something of a challenge in my tone, as if I were daring him to exceed his own expectations as the other surgeon had done. He picked up the gauntlet and put me down for May 12th. Though he reserved his options for whether I'd need any temporary (or permanent) ostomy, he offered hope that it would be a "one and done" operation. In order to get the big picture, though, he will have to make a pretty large incision. He'll go in from the front with a cut from just above my belly button to right at my pubic bone. This will give him the room to work and make the best decisions. Sounds good to me.

In the meantime, my job is to get as well as I can so as to be in good shape to withstand the procedure. Today's lab results were encouraging but not perfect. Out of 16 variables, 5 of them were outside the normal range. White cells were low, platelets were less than half of normal (though up from radiation days) and the other stuff seems like small change.

Ok, so this wasn't exactly very short nor sweet, but it's the news.

Thanks for listening,

Clem

Twirl

It has been a week since Clem's last treatment and he made the declaration today that he is feeling better. There are other subtle clues which indicate progress. His smart ass mouth and his incessant punning are just two. It is good to have him back.

We have a few weeks off before any more treatment. Our current plan is to visit the colon surgeon on April 20th in order to begin surgery planning. After the procedure he will be going back on the chemo for approximately 4 months. We were kind of bummed by that news because we were expecting less. Everything will hinge on the lymph nodes which are located around the tumor. If they are negative then the treatment will be less intensive.

We will also have a battery of tests post operatively which will determine the success rate of the chemo and radiation he has already received. There is a blood marker (CEA) which determines the presence of cancer in your body. Our oncologist has monitored this marker through treatment. In October it was 12,000, after chemo it was 5000, after surgery it was less than 200, after the radiation it was 58. This is a very good sign that he has responded very well to the treatments.

Today we are in Huntsville with his family celebrating Easter and the impending arrival of our new neice. The weather has been beautiful and we just consumed an amazing meal. Clem is lying here beside me taking his daily nap and I am enjoying the warmth of his body and the sound of his rhythmic breathing. Husbands like babies are exceptionally cute while they sleep.

Clem seems to have a renewed energy lately. I think the chemo pump was a constant reminder of his situation and being rid of it allows him greater movement in his sleep. I know I am glad that it is gone! I am also happy to have a break from the hospital. It has been hard to keep negative feelings at bay while watching so many people who are sick. Clem is oblivious to these people. His mission is clear and it does not involve them. He does not have to have compassion or be moved by others he is simply in survival mode just like them.

I on the otherhand experience a common caretaker emotion. Guilt. I know it isn't logical but I compare. it with the feelings that survivors of large disasters experience. I feel guilty that it is him and not me. I feel guilty that I can't give more of myself to him or to the others I am watching. Some days I have to wear my earphones to the hospital just so people won't tell me more of their sad stories. I feel guilty because I am trying to survive myself and I am not sick.

Being around people who are facing grave illness and death is a very introspective place to be. Everyone knows that death is inevitable but most of us live our lives as if this only happens to others. I guess it is easier that way. Lately I feel as though I am seeing my life through a different perspective and the journey doesn't seem as long as it use to. My children are now having children, my parents are moving toward 80, and now my strong, healthy, invincible, husband is struggling for his life. It all seems so surreal and disorienting.

For those of you who know me would never say that I have wasted my life. I have certainly taken chances, jumped off my share of cliffs, and have more than once taken big bites out of the juicy watermelon of life. Even now the memories of the juice running down my cheeks onto my clean white shirt inspire me to stand up and twirl. Lately though I can't seem to remember that girls face and occasionally I become afraid that she will never come back out to play with me again. Then just when I seem to be overwhelmed with feelings about the uncertainty of our future Clem puns or makes up an insulting story about me to share with his family and I feel the fiesty girl inside cut her eyes, clinch her fists, and grin. Like I said, it is good to have him back!

False Start

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. Just in case you don't recognize this face I'll interpret. It means, "I'm going to rip this damn bell out of the wall if you don't leave me alone!" And yes he is still strong enough to do just that. Obviously the bell ringing scenario didn't play out quite the way I had planned. Clem did not sleep well the night before and I woke up in a "manic" condition. The combination of those two set the stage for a rather strange last day at the Cancer Center.

I think the bell ringing thing must be for the caregivers benefit because it appeared to me that the sick people did not want to hear the bell and Clem certainly did not seem that interested in ringing it. Of course I did
ask him to ring it multiple times in order to get a good shot for the website. BAD MOVE!



As if that wasn't enough the chemo nurses celebrated the last day on the pump with a beautiful tiara. That went over well!! They must have missed the memo about manly men. You can tattoo them, punch them in the arm or face, you can even offer them a branding, but don't make them wear a tiara! My new mission is to get some sort of reward for the nurses to give real men. I'm thinking duct tape, WD40, flashlights, pocket knives, or maybe even Home Depot rewards card. Of course Clem humored them because they really have been great but inside he wanted to punch someone in the face. Unfortunately I think it was me.

As I mentioned in the last post I was hoping for a new beginning here but as we all know sometimes there are false starts in life and this proved to be one. We went home that day and Clem piled into the bed for a three maybe four hour nap. He apparently woke refreshed because he planned a trip to Rome with his friend Ron to assist a business with a difficult rigging job on top of a Industrial Building. Apparently the wind had blown a huge chimney over and the men needed someone with expertise in the field to keep them from getting squashed.

The next morning he got up at 4:30 a.m. drove to Rome and put in an 18 hour day with his buds on top of a collapsing building. Now that is a man reward!! It did his brain a lot of good to get out from under my protective wing and scratch and spit and pee off of a roof top again. Me...well it made me a little crazy. I should be use to this by now. I've had three children leave the nest but this is a little different.



One really nice part of the day was a surprise visit from our friend Ann. She is a caving, climbing, outdoor friend who works at the Hospital. She recently married a man with three children so she now has a family of four which has kept her out of our circle recently. She still looks fabulous and happy even though she said her days as single mother were a cake walk compared to her current life.





And this woman...we have no idea who she is. She just wanted to get in on the fun. Clem always seem to attract beautiful women where ever he goes even the Cancer Center!

Ringing the Bell

Clem finishes his combination chemo/radiation treatment regime tomorrow!!! It has been a long slow road but as an accomplished mountaineer he understands the importance of slow and steady perseverance as well as consistent rest steps. Looks like that training has paid off. His Doctor told him Tuesday that he wished all of his patience were like him. I'm not sure if he was referring to his results or his lack of complaints. Clem does not complain about anything. Women always talk about what poor patients their husbands make but I can honestly say that my husband is amazing. I have only seen him loose control once throughout this entire process and I am convinced that drugs induced his reaction.

Speaking of drugs, Clem has taken maybe 4 or 5 pills for nausea, three days of post op pain meds, and a few handfuls of ibuprofen during his entire course of treatment. This man is not a sissy. One thing I have learned from him is don't believe you will get every side effect that the Doctor says you will. Deal with what is happening now and do not contemplate what could happen. The mind has a great deal of power over your body.

Clem and I have virtually lived at the Hospital over the past eight months. Every day we are there we see people who are facing similar struggles. More than once we have been brought to tears over the suffering of some and more than once we have cried over the ringing of the bell. It is a custom to ring the big bell in the waiting room on your way out of the Hospital after your last radiation treatment. Many of these people can hardly gather the strength to reach it and other almost rip it off the wall. Tomorrow it is his turn.

This symbolizes so much for so many. It is another step completed on a journey toward wellness. Beating cancer is not for the weak. The treatment is tough and long but we feel we are soooooo fortunate to be in a position for cure. We will have the month of April off so we are planning an easy river trip with our friend Doug Strait and possibly a few local camping trips in the Casita. Yesterday we took our first hike since his diagnosis making our annual trip to "The Pocket" to see the amazing wildflower display. There seems to be just a small glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel now and we are cautiously peeking out into the world again.

For us the ringing of the bell represents a beginning not an end. The beginning of life again. Even though we are facing two more surgeries and another seven week course of chemo we know that he can stand up to the challenge and the worst is behind. So tomorrow ring a bell for Clem and for all those who are climbing a mountain too!

Pam