Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition

It is a good thing that yesterday was chill because today was not!! I was right about the nurses not fussing over Clem so much this time. Instead they walked in the door early this morning and told him that getting out of the bed, sitting in the chair, and then subsequently walking down the hall four times today was on the schedule. He had had a good nights sleep and probably had some of yesterday's drugs in him when he pleasantly consented to these tasks.

So around 8:30 this morning we disconnected or rearranged all his tubes and got him to the side of the bed and into the chair. He only made it about five minutes but was willing to give the walking a try about thirty minutes later. He was quite proud of himself and even taunted the other patients in the hall attempting the same exercise. His colon surgery has a high risk of blood clotting so he is receiving daily shots of blood thinner, is wearing circulation stimulating devices on his calves, and is being forced to walk down the hall in order to prevent this complication. So far we have made two of the four walks without fainting or puking but the last little stroll brought on some pretty serious nausea.

Not many things make you feel as bad as being on the very verge of vomiting (VVV) except being visited by a hard core southern Baptist Preacher while fighting off VVV. That is what happened today. It was really quite surreal. We had met him a few times but weren't really sure why he came by to visit except for the possibility that we resembled some sinners he once met. Anyway, he introduced himself and inquired about Clem's condition and of course as everyone has done lately described in detail his and his mother's experience with their colon cancer surgery. She is dead...of course.

I think he could tell by our lack of response to his story that it was time to change the subject so he immediately began to review all the horrible events that had taken place in the last 24 hours in the Chattanooga area. First there was the close encounter with the small child and the child molester in the RV at the Ace Hardware. Second there was the elaborate story of the woman who was almost abducted by the man who had let the air out of her tire in order to trick her into letting him in her car. His briefcase which was later found in her trunk had contained knives, duct tape, and rope which by the way sounds a lot like my purse or the bag in the back of Clem's truck. No one knew about this story and it would not be on the news because the owners of the mall were keeping it hush hush so as not to disrupt shopping. He was passing the story along so that we could all be aware of the horrible crime happening just outside our doors.

Then just when I though he might be getting the YOU ARE ANNOYING THE CRAP OUT OF US SIGNAL from both Clem and myself he goes into his third story which of course was attached to his stay in the hospital with colon cancer. According to Brother Bob there was a patient across the hall from him who refused to get out of bed. After three days the Doctor threatened to fire the male nurse who could not get him to cooperate. The nurse proceeded to be more aggressive with his attempts and the patients replied that he could give 38 reasons for not getting out of the bed. With this statement he reached under his pillow and pulled out his 38 revolver and threatened the nurse. Of course the nurse did not call the Doctor but instead sought the advice of Brother Bob. He quickly suggested that the nurse drug the patient heavily so the two of them could retrieve the gun from his possession. Which is what they did! AMEN HALLELUJAH!!

With that Brother Bob said his exit prayer and left to go spread the good word to others in need of apocalyptic information. Clem and I just sat and looked at each other for a moment after the the door finally swung shut. I was feeling sorry for other patients he might be off to visit who might be in need of a cheerful thought during their recovery. Clem just turned, looked at me solemnly, shook his head, and said PRAISE THE LORD AND PASS THE AMMUNITION!!

You couldn't make this stuff up!