I thought I would give a brief report on Clem since he has not posted since the dreaded "drain incident". Chemo started on Monday and was uneventful in that he has not experienced any serious side effects. The process goes like this: Monday morning we show up and he gets hooked up to an IV that delivers an anti nausea medication. Next he spends a few hours in a comfy recliner cuddled up with a fleece blanket having a platinum based chemical slowly infused into his blood stream. Other than the fact that his color changes almost immediately and he becomes very quiet and sleepy, no one would know that inside his body bagillions of cells are getting nuked. After that is complete the nursed hooks him up to a pump that he will wear until sometime on Wednesday which delivers a chemical called 5FU which will be slowly and methodically pumped in on top of the of the oxalyplatin. The combination of these drugs makes for a very lethal cocktail for his type of cancer.
Clem doesn't drive during chemo week, he doesn't stay awake a lot during chemo week, and he doesn't really talk very much during chemo week. I think it is a very tough head space for him. He is forgetful and somewhat spaced out. This symptom seemed to increase in severity as the weeks went by during his last round of chemo. His worst symptom seems to be fatigue. By the weekend I can see signs of renewed energy and on his off weeks he comes back to life a bit. I'm not really sure what to expect this time because his first series of chemo took place before having 75% of his liver removed, a foot and a half of his colon removed, and before he had his bone marrow nuked with radiation. It is quite amazing that the man can get off the sofa at all. But he does and he attempts to move around and drink lots of fluids and tonight he ate quite a large meal with success. He seems to be adjusting to the ileostomy and now realizes that he will still be capable of getting out and about with it.
I miss him right now. He spends a lot of time in his own head when he goes through chemo. He is so tired that he doesn't really want to have much conversation. Of course if I would have long detailed banter about rope rigging that might get him going but...that's just not going to happen. I am counting on YOU for that and YOU know who YOU are. So thanks for keeping my husband's brain busy. This week has been a quiet week on the home front. He has moved from the sofa to the man pad and maybe to the front porch a bit. Our good friend Doug Strait came to visit on Tuesday and he spent some time with Clem in the back yard doing shooting drills and adding a little auditory interest to the serene atmosphere here in Hooterville. That is the most he has done this week. Thank you Doug.
Me...well I have been a bit manic. I had a small meltdown and almost cried. Stupid stuff. We went camping this weekend at SERA which is a Caving event that we like to attend. Clem was feeling well and he wanted to see friends before starting his last round of therapy. Our really good friends Mike and Nancy Harrison encouraged us to go. It was so awesome to camp with them. They are like family. Clem seemed to have a great time and for a while there it was eerily like our old life. On Saturday night we visited with lots of different people and just enjoyed being outside in beautiful weather.
On Sunday morning we met up with our friends Benjy and Dawn von Cramon and shared a few laughs before heading to Doug's house to check out his garden full of raspberries. No one wanted to go inside so we had a picnic outside of Fricks cave while enjoying the cool rush of air coming out of the entrance. Nancy Neal, Doug and I jumped in the creek to cool off. I closed my eyes and poured the cold water over my head and for just a few minutes I felt like a kid again. I think that is what did it...the meltdown thing. I actually let go and laughed and allowed myself to feel again and laugh again and want things again. I suddenly wanted to go to Mexico to see my friends there, I wanted to dress up nice and do my hair and wear sexy shoes and have too much wine to drink. I wanted life to be frivolous for just a few minutes. I haven't wanted for myself in quite sometime now. It just has not been an option.
All of the sudden my controlled world had busted out of its box. I am not really good with that box thing on a good day much less under pressure. It was like spending the winter snowed in, getting on a plane, and a few hours later arriving on a beautiful beach. Staying on the beach for two hours and then being forced to get back on the plane and go back to the snowed in cabin. It would have been easier just to never leave the cabin. It took me a while to get back to the day by day and minute by minute thing.
So what did I do? Use power tools! Loud noisy crunch your bones up and blow your skin off power tools. It works every time. Tonight I am exhausted but better. I don't have the energy to want anything but rest and sleep. Today I chipped all the downed limbs in the yard, turned the compost pile, planted 19 new perennials, pressure-washed the siding on the house and deck, and smashed the crap out of my thumb. Good day!!! Clem tolerated the noise because he could sense I had some stuff to "burn off" but he will most likely bitch if I do this tomorrow. I think I will run my raku kiln. The power of 1000 degrees of swirling vortex flame. That should do the trick.
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I feel so lucky to have been a small part of your weekend. Clem, in response to a question, stated that he was getting good at the clean out he has to do before surgery. I had to have a colonoscopy last week after hearing him make that statement.
As I sat on the porcelain throne, I kept thinking of Clem. I decided he is either a masochist or a superhero. I wish it had been a raku toilet. How cool would that be?
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